Self Portrait

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

It's Tuesday, but this time instead of ten things I've found while toddling around on the internet, I'm going to share with you ten goals I've set to better myself. Recently I've gone through a pretty bad breakup, my first break up actually. And I'll be honest with you, it hurt, like crazy, like it felt like someone came in the middle of the night and took my lungs out of my chest, and I woke up unable to breathe, gasping for air. Dramatic I know, but completely serious. The depression was real.

Thank you for allowing me to be honest on this platform sans any kind of judgement. It's okay to not be okay. But today I'm going to share ten things I'm going to do to reach ultimate "okay-ness" Okay? thanks. Here we go.


1. Dare to be selfish: There are things that, when in a relationship, I couldn't do. Things that were maybe seen as selfish, or just didn't support my partner at the time. Sometimes I can be told that because of my blog, Instagram, and the general nature that comes with being a blogger where I'm the focus and I am my own brand, I'm narcissistic, and I'm very selfish. But to be frank, I don't really care. I'm independent, I have the power to shape my future however I want to, and I'm going to do just that, with my best interest at hand, no one else's. 

2. Impress myself: There is no better feeling than putting on my favorite outfit, doing up my hair and makeup, and going somewhere with my friends or family or really whomever, and really feeling like a 10. Whether it's just dressing to impress, or really truly impressing myself by making progress on something I once found difficult, I want to impress myself and make myself proud in all that I do. Thus feeling good about myself, confident, and strong. 

3. Wake up early: The moment when you're sitting outside, the sun has just risen, everyone is still fast asleep, the whole world feels asleep, you're drinking some kind of tea or hot chocolate or coffee, anything warm in a mug, and it's just you, the sun, the breeze, and the sky; that moment is one I want to enjoy more often. When I wake up early, not a second of my day feels wasted. Everyday has so much potential, so there is no reason, and no excuse as to why I should let it pass by without filling it with life. 

4. Travel: I realize I'm young, I realize I'm in school, and I also realize that my bank account isn't as full as someone who is often traveling, but that won't stop me from seeing this wonderful, incredible, and awe-inspiring world. Time spent exploring is so so valuable. So whether it is just to a neighboring city or town, or across the Pacific, I want to see the world, I want to explore and I want to try new things. There is nothing holding me back or tying me down, so what a better time than now?

5. Eat what I want: So I'm pretty cheap, I don't like to waste money where I don't have to. Most all of what I own is thrifted, a hand-me-down, or purchased from somewhere where everything is under $20. But when it comes to food, I need to stop buying the off-brand food, sucking up the lesser taste and saving money, and really indulging in new flavors, and tastes. This may sound strange, but food is really so so important. So yes, I'm going to buy over priced avocado toast because just sitting in the bright, plant filled cafĂ©, savoring every flavor, and enjoying my own company is worth it. I'm no longer going to cheap out on food, I want to spoil myself with only the best. 

6. Say yes: This is actually something that I did while at school this past year, but I really want to work on enforcing it more in my everyday life. I want to say yes to everything (in good judgment of course, nothing too dangerous) life is flying by, so why not? Want to dye my hair bright pink? Run to CVS and buy some dye. Craving chocolate cake? Make it. Want a change of scenery this weekend? Drive to the beach. Just get up and do it, say yes, because why not! Why the heck not. The only person who I can blame for my missed opportunities is myself. So I might as well live my life to the fullest while I can.

7. Write myself letters: Mail is so important. I've had a few pen pals in the past, and not only is the act of sitting down to write a letter so therapeutic and relaxing, but then receiving a letter, sitting down and taking the time to catch up with myself will brighten any day. Simple little letters, telling myself how important I am, how special I am, and just how dang cool I am. Within a busy day, it feels good to stop and be reminded of how "worth it" I am. 

8. Know that I'm enough: Especially right after the bandaid of the breakup was freshly ripped off, it was easy to get into the rut of thinking, "How could I love someone so much, but still not be good enough? I'm just not worth it if I can't make someone I loved happy." Putting all the blame on myself for being perfectly imperfect, and feeling so broken, saying that it was all my fault and that I was unloveable, looking to be fixed, but nowhere in the near future. But that just isn't the case. I am incredibly special just the way I am, yes I'm still growing, constantly learning, and working to better myself, but in this moment I am me and I am enough, just the way I am. 

9. Cry hard, but laugh even harder: I know I've said this over and over and over again, but it's okay to not be okay. Truly. Hiding emotions and masking feelings is far worse than the pain of feeling them. I'm not going to deny myself of any feel I have, good or bad. I'm a real life human being with real life feelings, and it's completely normal to feel the way I have been feeling, but at the same time I know that there is still so much more in the world. Life is lovely, good and pure, and I want to experience those emotions tenfold! Telling someone who is sad to, "just be happy" is somewhat unrealistic unless you plan to do something to help them get there. SO I'm going to help myself be happy, going to fill life with only the best, and just be. Living, laughing, and loving everything every second of the way. Which brings me to my last goal:

10. Love every moment: Life is wild, there are crazy ups and downs. Right now there is so much hate in the world it's hard to look at the news, or out the window even. But that doesn't mean that all the good is gone. I'm the creator of my own life, and I plan to create the best life for myself. I'm going to get a job I love so I never work a day in my life. I'm going to capture moments so I never forget all the fantastic days I've had, and the unstoppable ones to come. 

**

I am unstoppable, I am incredible, I am worth it and so are you. Love every moment, soak up the sun, and live your best life, honestly. Don't let anyone stand in your way of what is best for YOU. Dare to be selfish and thrive on your own happiness. xo, O

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